15 January 2006


i slept... went to my room to read the bible and all that and slept... the whole afternoon... only to stuff myself afterwards with chicken and potatoes... so much for my diet

and still adding stuff to my confession...

went to rosary and mass today, as always i went up front right, the mass was after rosary, and then afte a while people trickled in, and here i had thought hmm Friday mass would be very empty, i see these kids and wonder why they aren't in school, and then this Frau two seats away asks the man next to her 'who is she, i don#t know her. I (should) know everyone...' and i am thinking OK poor lady, and then she is crying and i am saying Lord please comfort her and then suddenly it clicks, the light in my head goes plotzlich an... it is a memorial or funeral mass... OH GOD and i am seated upfront at the seat with the immediate family... a disappearing act right then would have been marvelous and as i am contemplating moving it is too late as mass has begun, then i think no biggie, but for more than 3 quarters of mass i was so uncomfortable thinking of the white family members sitting behind me asking themselves who is that black girl up front... i even debated whether to go for communion or not.. that bad... at the peace the priest took my hand so that kind of calmed me some... wie peinlich... anyway i have never practically ran out of mass like i did today... and i did catch a few wondering stares on my way out... oh well they have a new family mystery.. the black girl up front...



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